FAQ (for teenagers, especially those living in my town)

Q: What are you talking about?
A: If you were listening (not that you were), you would know. If you don't understand something I'm saying, ask a more specific question.

Q: I don't get a word you're saying. This makes me better than you, right?
A: Absolutely not. Nobody's allowed to be better than me without my explicit permission. I also don't see the logic in how you can be better than me if I can understand you but you can't understand me.

Q: Wait, what?
A: If you were listening, you would have got that.

Q: Why do you cut your hair so short
A: Because that's how I like it. Why do you wear your hair the way you do?

Q: Is it okay for me quote something you said to somebody else as a way of making fun of you because what you said is funny to me because I don't want to take the extra effort to get it?
A: No, it is not okay. I am not the kid who said that Halo was a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything.

Q: Wait why did you call him Halo his name is Master Chief
A: If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that I was repeating someone else's words.

Q: I notice you are making rhythmic movements with your body while listening to music. What are you doing and why are you doing that?
A: I am dancing, asshole. What else do you do to music?

Q: Are you a lesbian?
A: No, I'm straight. But it's okay, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Q: Why don't you talk to people a lot?
A: Have you seen the way people talk to me? Hey, if you genuinely want to talk to me, that's awesome. All you have to do is be nice and stop trying to find ways to make me look like an idiot.

Q: You said something strange, amusing and intriguing about yourself. May my many friends and I all inquire you at once about it?
A: I'll be happy to answer questions about it as long as you all calm down and let me explain. Note that I am a normal human being and not an enigma, so treat me as such.

Q: You have asked me politely to please stop cracking my gum loudly. Is it okay if I continue doing it?
A: If you don't mind me doing violent things to you, go ahead.

Q: You exist. Can I throw stuff at you?
A: There is something inherently wrong with you.